


The Dormer Bungalow

by AstroNella



Series: Your Life On Earth [2]
Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: M/M, artificial reality game, cosy domesticity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:28:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29086116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroNella/pseuds/AstroNella
Summary: Lister's first file for the Your Life On Earth artificial reality game is a 21st century PDF of details about a dormer bungalow for sale in a small Scottish town on the edge of a loch. It may not look promising at first, but sometimes you have to look at these things more closely.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Series: Your Life On Earth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133927
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	The Dormer Bungalow

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before the first part of this series, before the notion of making it part of a series had fully formed in my head. This was originally written as a piece of fluffy domesticity (with sex).

As the road straightened out and was clear ahead of them, Lister moved the car up into fourth gear. Beside him, Rimmer peered into the bag of shopping he held on his lap. He could barely smell the bread now; it was probably the instore bakery he'd smelled earlier, rather than their bread. There was also the fresh coriander, the punnet of plums, and the flowery-herby-smelling stuff he'd insisted Lister buy to use on his feet. 

Rimmer was nudged out of his reverie by the sound of the windscreen wipers. He hadn't noticed the rain start, but it was definitely coming down well now, and peering at the sky, he saw that it wouldn't be a passing shower. They weren't going to escape this one. A few more turns and gear changes, and they turned into the driveway of the dormer bungalow. 

This had been Lister's idea. Their first proper go on _Your Life On Earth_ , he picked this because he didn't want something that was too outrageous (nowhere too fashionable or crowded), or likely to land them in too strange a situation (no haunted houses). This was normal, boring even. A small suburban existence, like any other old married (or unmarried, or otherwise pledged) couple. And here they were, driving home from the supermarket on a Friday afternoon, like so many other old married couples. 

Lister switched the engine off, got out of the car, and grabbed the rest of the shopping from the car boot. Except he'd only grabbed two of the bags, leaving the third for Rimmer to carry. Rimmer got out of the car, grabbed the final bag, and shut the boot lid down. He expected Lister to have the door unlocked by the time he reached it, so they could get away from the rain as quickly as possible. So why was he just standing by the door – and not even under the canopy porch? Though to give him credit, the shopping was under the porch, away from the rain. 

“Listy, what are you playing at? Where are the keys?” Rimmer asked. He'd had enough of being rained on. 

“Don't worry, they're here”, Lister said, patting his pocket. “We don't have to rush inside, do we?” 

“Listy, it's pouring down. My hair's getting wet. You've got your hat. Open the door.”

Lister didn't move, he just smiled slowly at Rimmer. “Come here” he said, as Rimmer came closer. 

Lister grabbed Rimmer at the waist, turned him round, and steered him back to the wall. He reached for one of the shopping bags in Rimmer's hand, prised the bag out of his grip, and placed it next to the others. He looked up at Rimmer, at the beads of rain gathering in his hair. One drop escaped, landing between his eyebrows, and ran down his nose like a ski-jumper sliding down a competition slope. Rimmer winced at the feel of it – he wished Lister had opened the door straight away. Instead, Lister reached up and kissed Rimmer's nose, kissing away the raindrop. Rimmer smiled a little, despite himself. Lister reached up again, kissing Rimmer's lips, at first softly, then with more feeling, more urgency. When he broke away, Rimmer could not hid his smile. 

“Listy, we're in the open air. People can see us.”

“Who? There's no-one about. Who would go walking in this weather round here?” 

“People with dogs. That couple with the Dalmatian from the corner house. Or that girl who walks her grandmother's little dogs.”

Lister fished the doorkey from his pocket, and applied it to the lock. “There's no-one about, look” he said, looking back towards the road. He grabbed two of the shopping bags. “Now, do you want to come indoors or not?”

Rimmer sighed, picked up the other bag, and went into the house. 

*

It didn't take long to put the shopping away. They hung up their jackets and Lister hung up his hat – Rimmer was surprised how Lister was so concerned that they were hung up in the back porch, where they could drip water without making a mess through the rest of the house – and Rimmer grabbed a towel to dry off his hair. Sweeping the towel over his head, he seemed at first to only succeed in scattering rain across the kitchen floor. 

Lister pulled a chair out from under the kitchen table and set it in the middle of the kitchen. “Come on Arn, sit down and give me the towel” he said softly. Rimmer obliged, letting Lister dry off his hair for him. While Rimmer wished he could have finished his hair quickly and efficiently, he knew that Lister's ministrations would be pleasurable, to say the least. He knew that Lister's touch would make him feel good. 

Rimmer sat down and handed the towel to Lister. Lister spread the towel over both of his hands and swept it over Rimmer's head slowly, mopping off the uppermost droplets. He then draped the towel over Rimmer's head, gently squeezing and scrunching his hair through the towel, to get the deeper raindrops out of his curls. Rimmer closed his eyes briefly at the feel of Lister's hands, the wet warmth that reached his scalp, soft yet powerful. Lister worked on the top of Rimmer's head first, followed by the sides, then the back, down to the nape of his neck. A thrill ran through Rimmer as he felt Lister's fingers brush his neck, teasing the short hair there back into position. He didn't notice Lister had left the room to peg the towel on the drying line in the back porch until he returned, stroking his now-dry fingers through Rimmer's almost-dry hair. 

For a fleeting moment, Rimmer wondered if his voice had deserted him. He swallowed, and then spoke. “Thank you Listy” was all he could manage. He felt rather warm and content. 

Lister leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Rimmer's shoulders. He kissed Rimmer on the cheek, sighing with a smile. “Anytime” was all he could reply with. He leaned his head against Rimmer's, cheek to cheek, feeling a glow spread through his body. Rimmer turned his head in an attempt to reach Lister's lips for a kiss, but found his lips a little too far out of reach. A new plan was needed. 

“Listy, come here” he said, patting his knee. Lister perched on Rimmer's knee and looked at him, trying to hold back a smirk. Rimmer couldn't see the joke.

“What's so funny?”

“Your hair, full of water. It looked like a mad professor's hair, all angry.” Lister laughed. 

“It's not my fault” Rimmer grumbled. “I can't help my hair. It's algorithmically designed to grow that way.”

“You could have changed it. Can't you recode that part of your lightbee?” Lister got up and grabbed a bottled beer from the fridge, removing the cap with a click.

“After Holly messed around with it that time? I ended up looking like Helen Shapiro.” Rimmer watched Lister swallow down mouthfuls of beer. “Anyway, I thought you liked my hair.”

“Sorry, man, I do – I guess I'm not used to seeing it having to cope with the weather. I never know if it's going to behave like real hair. Let's face it, we've faced more Polymorph slime than real rain over the years.”

Rimmer stared at Lister's lips, glistening from the beer he'd just drunk. Lister put the half-full bottle on the worktop and walked back to Rimmer, taking hold of both his hands. 

“I'm sorry, Arn. I didn't realise how much of this would feel like such a novelty, especially seeing you in it all. I mean, I've thought about rain a lot over the years, wondering if I'd ever feel it again. I didn't give much thought to whether you'd like it.”

“It's OK Listy, I don't mind. If I'm with you, it's OK. That's why I liked the idea of this place, so we could just be together. I'd rather be struggling with my hair in the rain than with simulants or GELFs any day.”

Rimmer pulled Lister towards him. Lister stopped right in front of Rimmer, and leaned down to kiss him. Lister ran his fingers through Rimmer's hair again. 

“I'll struggle with your hair” Lister purred. “I'll touch it, I'll tease it out of shape.” He straddled Rimmer's lap. “I'll play with it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.” He kissed Rimmer again, longer and deeper than before. 

Rimmer circled his arms round Lister's waist, pulling him closer, feeling his weight and his warmth on his lap. Lister kissed a line down Rimmer's jaw, along the side of his neck. He sat up slightly, rolling his hips forward. 

Rimmer felt a surge of lust through him as Lister thrusted his hips. His cock, already starting to stir, stiffened more quickly. He leaned back in his chair to look at his lover. 

Lister's body was reacting quite similarly. Seeing a spark in Rimmer's eyes, he stood up, grabbed Rimmer's hand, and led him through to the hallway and up the stairs to the main bedroom. 

*

The bedroom, sparsely furnished, was dominated by the bed. A simple wooden-frame bed with a slatted headboard, it was covered in a thick red-and-navy-checked duvet and a mass of red and blue pillows and cushions. The sun had almost set, so the dormer window let in no real light – instead, the glow from the red LED numbers on the alarm clock on Rimmer's side of the bed provided the only light in the room. 

They fell onto the bed, Lister pulling Rimmer on top of him, craning his neck slightly to kiss him. Rimmer responded to the kiss, but then pulled away, reaching over to switch on the bedside light. 

“What? What's wrong Arn? I thought you wanted this?”

“I do. I just wanted to look at you. I want to see your eyes sparkle. I want to see you smile when you say my name.”

“Well, I'll do my best.” Lister grinned as he reached down, fumbling with Rimmer's clothing. “But I'll need you to get closer. At the moment there are too many layers of clothing between us.”

“I think you're just as much to blame as I am” Rimmer held Lister's gaze as he unbuttoned Lister's trousers and traced his fingers under his T-shirt, along Lister's stomach, over his ribcage and across his chest. 

Lister sat up, pulling his T-shirt off over his head, and pushing his trousers and underwear off untidily. Rimmer shimmied out of his clothing, and pushed the duvet aside. Lister fell back amongst the pillows and cushions, with Rimmer falling onto him. 

“Oh, Arn” Lister sighed as he spoke his lover's name with a smile. Rimmer ran his hand down Lister's side and began to thrust against him. He felt a jolt of electricity through his body at the contact, which intensified as he felt Lister's legs wrap around his thighs, locking them together. 

It didn't take long for Rimmer to feel his orgasm build. His thrusts became more erratic, harder, until he came with a violent shudder. Lister was getting closer too, his head back deep in the pile of pillows, eyes closed and panting. Rimmer ran his fingers down Lister's sternum, feeling him tremble beneath his touch. He trailed his fingers down to Lister's cock, smearing a bead of pre-cum around the head, before pumping his fist up and down his shaft. A gasping yell from Lister told him he was on the right road, and soon Lister was coming hard, shouting Rimmer's name. 

Lister was still riding a post-sex high when he noticed Rimmer wasn't there. He soon appeared, brandishing a damp washcloth, and was about to apply it to Lister's groin and stomach. Lister gently took the cloth from Rimmer's hand and cleaned himself, rising off the bed (with a hand from Rimmer) to head to the bathroom. Rimmer took the opportunity to scoot to the far side of the bed, extinguishing the light and burrowing beneath the duvet. Lister returned, climbing into bed beside Rimmer, cuddling up close to him. Rimmer kissed his forehead. 

“OK, Listy?” Rimmer's voice was strong, but low and warm. 

“Yeah”. Lister smiled. “OK.”

They soon drifted off to sleep. 

*

Rimmer woke a couple of hours later to find the other side of the bed empty. After a moment he noticed Lister standing by the window, looking out towards the town across the loch. He pushed himself up and lay back on his elbows, watching Lister, watching how the red light from his alarm clock display threw a slight glow onto his naked body. He continued to watch silently, noticing how every time Lister shifted his weight slightly from one foot to the other, the glow of light on his buttocks moved around tantalisingly. 

Returning from the bathroom, Lister had glanced out of the dormer window on his way back to bed, but was stopped in his tracks by what he saw outside. The earlier rain had eased, and was now barely coming down; night had fallen, but the sky was clearing, and he could see the lights from the harbourside pubs and restaurants across the loch. This is what life on Earth feels like, he thought to himself. Not quite the same as his dreams of Fiji – which, he always knew, were always rather sketchy in terms of what everyday life would have been like – and not like how he always hoped life would be like when he was a boy growing up in Liverpool. Oh, he'd always hoped he'd travel, growing up in Liverpool there was always an awareness that there were other cities and countries to be explored – the city had been a great trading port, a cultural hub, a cruise ship destination and an urban archaeologist's dream over the centuries, and they all left their mark on the city and its people. 

But this was different, and while part of Lister's brain told him it wasn't as exciting as sailing to Antarctica or even to Dublin, there was something here he'd always wanted. A home with his lover, a comfortable town, the promise of meeting up with friends if they felt inclined. Contentment. Is it an age thing, or had he just had enough GELFs to last a lifetime? Seeing a string of lights in the distance, knowing they were from the outside seating areas of the pubs and restaurants in town, not from a prison colony or strange Disneyfied planetoid. Perhaps they could stay here a while. 

“Listy, what are you looking at?” Rimmer's voice shook Lister from his thoughts. He'd got so tangled up in his musings he didn't know where to start, so he said nothing, which concerned Rimmer. 

“Listy, are you alright? Come back to bed.”

Lister turned, and noticed the alarm clock. It was 6.28pm. They still had the whole evening ahead of them. “Arn, I was thinking. Do you want to go out tonight?”

“What?”

“It's not raining any more, we could eat out if you like. What do you fancy?”

Rimmer grinned. “You, Listy.”

Lister smiled. He returned to the bed, and Rimmer scooped him up in his arms. “It's just... it looks so nice out, all the lights and everything.”

“But it's been raining. It'll be damp and cold. Why don't I cook for us tonight, then we can go out tomorrow. It's Saturday tomorrow, we could go out for tea in the afternoon, and sit watching the boats come in from the cafe window. And then we can see what we feel like doing.”

Lister turned to look up at his lover, and kissed him. “Thanks, Arn. I don't want to miss out while we're here, I don't want to feel like we're doing nothing. I wish we could stay here forever, stay here properly.”

Rimmer pulled Lister close again, and they lay down together. “I thought being together was why we came here. Just doing ordinary stuff. We don't have to leave just yet. We've got a lot of exploring to do together. And I'd rather explore the insides of a cup of tea and a cream bun than a GELF hideout.”

Lister smiled, and closed his eyes. “I'd rather explore _you_ , Arn.”

Rimmer smiled, and arranged the duvet over the top of the two of them. He'd barely finished when he heard Lister's soft snores in his ear. He smiled to himself, and closed his eyes too.


End file.
